How did I get here? Similiar to my feelings about Fort Collins: “This is the last place I ever thought I would be.” I remember when I was a young, care-free Seattelite with the mentality that everything liberal, yummy, hip, and trendy was right where I needed it so why venture out to anywhere else in the country? Of course, moving out to CO has changed this a little bit as I cling hard to the value of change, experiencing things “outside of the box,” and trying not to grimace every time I pass a NRA stickered pick-up truck. I know I’m in a strip mall infested, suburb loving, conservative cowboy country, it’s hard to avoid it here in Missouri, a place I never thought I would ever venture to. It took ten hours to get here, through a flat and vast wasteland as we strode through Dorothy’s homeland. I admit, Kansas City looked impressive with its old buildings, skyscrapers kissing the midwestern sky, and the Missouri River traveling right on through. I’ve never been to the midwest…well Chicago, IL and Madison, WI, but I don’t feel like they were true midwest…Alas, we’ve not ventured into the city, which breaks my heart considering the bounty of museums and historical buildings Kansas City has to offer. Instead we were shuttled from strip mall to strip mall, crammed in the backseat of a small compact. Perhaps five people stuffed into a car would not make for a pleasant trip to Kansas City, forty miles west of Grain valley…but I was still disappointed.
Suddenly, the cookie cutter neighborhood Josh’s parents live in evokes a stifling, smothering, sort of feeling inside me. As if there’s no way out, I’ve traveled further and further east and out of my comfort zone. Perhaps this can be attributed to my intense feelings of homesickness around the holidays. I always miss the Northwest around this time. I know that Portland consists of strip malls and suburbs, but it seems different to me, more tolerable. Here, I can’t seem to find anyone who might like me, or really know me…I feel that way in F.C. too, as if those really deep, trusting, friends who watch your back could never exist here..in cowboy country. Traveling through the entire state of Kansas into Missouri has further strengthened my decision to be forever an Urban Girl. Oh, perhaps one day I’ll have to worry about the quality of the local schools and the crime rate and all that parental stuff…but until than I can not be truly satisfied living out here.
Josh travels (!) to several job interviews this week…I hope for the best.