In this case I’m answering my own question: NOT. I bought these pants out of frustration. I had all this pressure placed on myself because we were in the Portland Nordstrom’s Rack. I felt like I just HAD to buy something because here I was, everything was so reasonably priced, and there was no tax! Needless to say I tried on endless pairs of designer jeans only to find myself firmly between sizes–29 and 30 to be exact. For those of you who have no idea what that means, a 29 is a 7-8 and a 30 is a 10-12. And I was neither. Again, I’ll complain about the ridiculous sizing across the hips, the low-rise impossibility, and the pant cuffs that went on for miles–as if the average size 8 woman is obviously 5′11. So I almost cried right there, over the fact that my ass wouldn’t fit into a pair of Juicy Couture or Lucky jeans–because they were so goddam cheap! I felt obligated to buy them. So long story short, the above Express capris were a pity buy, a rebound romance, a wishful hope. It was the last place we went to. Josh had totally made out at Nordstrom Rack, and while he looked at watches I attacked Express’ sale rack like a scorned woman. 1/2 all capris? You bet your ass I’m leaving with a pair! OK, so white capris just aren’t my bag, and of course Express is pushing their new “White Line.” I could just see myself sitting in something fantastically sticky on the bus in my white capris. Other than the white pants, Express thinks grown women are perfectly happy cavorting around in bright pastel capris. Did I miss the memo? Only size 2 chicks look good in pink pants…it’s really the truth. No matter, after ferociously searching every rack I found the above pair of denim “Editor Capris.”
I actually read the tag before I squeezed them on. For some reason: I BELIEVED THE TAG. “Designed to be the best fitting pants in America. It took 20 designers nearly 1000 hours to create the Editor Pant. So, making the Editor Crop was really very simple. We just took the best fitting pant in America and made it shorter.” I don’t know why, maybe I was just so beaten down I wanted to believe. Sure, I knew in the back of my mind it was all a marketing ploy. But I had just broken up with Nordstrom’s Rack, I was shunned and scorned, reduced to tears while holding a too-small pair of size 30 Diesel jeans. I hooked the pants in, squatted in the dressing room to check for accidental ass exposure, decided they would eventually stretch out to where I really needed them, and said, “yes.”
The problem is they hit me in the worst spot across my hips. The front pockets pooch out a little which makes my hips look even wider. The back pockets are inconveniently sewn shut, (where am I supposed to put my bus pass?) Because of the top button being a big long strap, I seem to ALWAYS forget to zip up that teeny tiny zipper. Yesterday I wore them to work, and I suddenly realized I had sold several pairs of shoes with my fly wide open. I tell you, how is the Editor Crop the best fitting pant in America?
I ironed them tonight, laid them out on my table, reattached the tags, and lovingly placed them back in their Express bag. The li’l guys are going back to their store front home tomorrow afternoon.