Holiday Hijinks:
1) Little guy has been coughing uncontrollably without covering his mouth all morning. I’m sitting at one of those tiny tables built for little kids and he’s eye-level with me. We have the reminder chat about coughing into your sleeve or hand…we have this chat twice in the span of five minutes. He moves away only to return a few moments later and purposely BLOW IN MY EAR! My head whipped around and I grabbed him…ok, he claims it was an accident but it sure didn’t feel like it. (His Mom must have known somehow, she slipped $100 bill in my Christmas card–holy crap!)
2) Another little guy has this thing with slapping my butt repeatedly when he’s excited. I’ll be standing there trying to get everyone to line up at the door and I’ll feel these tiny palms smacking the back pockets of my jeans. My immediate reaction is: “Oh my God, some pervert is touching my ass.” Today I marched him outside by the arm. I said, “How would YOU feel if I hit YOU on the bum?” He rolled his eyes at me, “Bad.” We were eye to eye and he knew I was serious. I watched him slap his own mother on the ass earlier this week, so I know it’s not special treatment just for me. This is the smallest kid in our class, he’s four, and so it’s not like the slapping hurts…it’s just weird.
3) I’ve received a few handmade holiday cards from students. Each one says “I love you, Mara” in it. I think it’s admirable how genuine kids are when they’re young…and then they become increasingly jaded towards their teachers and there is no more love. Or maybe there is, but they would never write it down in a card where other people could see it…and then by the time these kids get into middle school the term “love” becomes something high-pressure and complicated and no longer stands for something as innocent as loving your kindergarten teacher.
4) We went to the mall downtown and viewed these really spectacular gingerbread houses…I mean they’re really gorgeous works of art, from the spiral staircase made from vanilla wafers to the ‘wallpaper’ made out of sticks of gum. At one point The Screamer was sulking in a corner away from the group. When I asked her what was up she answered, “I’m sad because I can’t eat the gingerbread houses, and if I can’t eat them then I don’t want to be here.” And I couldn’t help it, in front of the parent chaperone who was in charge of her, I said, “Are you SERIOUS?” I quickly covered my incredulousness by explaining that some gingerbread is made for eating and some is made for decoration only. She wasn’t having any of that; she was truly insulted that we would bring her to look at gingerbread houses and then not allow her to eat them. Finally, I said, “Look, I need you to be a big girl.” It worked, a little bit…but she still sulked during most of the field trip.