Mumbling Madly

English: of biblical origin, from Hebrew Mara “bitter”, a name referred to by Naomi when she went back to Bethlehem because of the famine in the land of Moab and the deaths of her husband and two sons: “call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me” (Ruth 1: 20).

Me: (Noticing child staring at me during rest and read) Are you ok?
Sven: Yes…(Continues staring).
Me: Are you sure?
Sven: Yes, I’m FINE, stop staring at me.
Me: You’re staring at ME.
Sven: I’m fine!
(Fifteen minutes later during Spanish), Me: Sven, are you sick?
Sven: No.
Me: Are you sure? Why are you lying on the floor?
Sven: I’m just tired!
Me: Fine, but you need to at least sit up and show Rosita some respect during circle…
Sven: I’m not sick.
Me: Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Sven: NO…why are you here? Why are you even here in the circle with me?
Me: Because you’re lying on the floor acting like you’re sick…are you sure you don’t have to go to the bathroom?
Sven: I’ll sit up.
(Strong smell begins to emanate from the circle), Me: Sven?
Sven: What! It’s not me…stop staring at me!
(Fifteen minutes later another teacher walks in the room): WOAH, it smells BAD in here.
Me: I KNOW…I think I know who it is…Sven? Did you go to the bathroom during circle?
Sven: NO.
(Ten minutes later, my eyes are watering): OK, Sven come here…
Sven: I’m fine!
(I grab him by the wrist and drag him into the bathroom, overpowered by the smell of ass): Look, it’s fine, we all have accidents but you need to be big about this.
Sven: All right! FINE!
(Bathroom door closes and stays closed for fifteen minutes).
Me (knocking on door): Sven?
Sven: WHAT! I’m not coming out right now…
Me: Do you need a garbage bag?
(Door opens a crack, releasing a strong powerful scent, Sven grabs the garbage bag and almost shuts it in the door).
(Ten minutes go by)
Me (knocking): Are you OK?
Sven (one pant leg is on, underwear is off): I don’t have any extra clothes in my bin.
Me: Well, borrow someone else’s clothes.
Sven: FINE!
(Fifteen minutes go by. Sven emerges with his garbage bag. He places his bag in his cubby and runs off to play with friends–but only after he’s reminded to wash his hands…thoroughly, for the love of GOD).

What’s the best way to get
over a broken heart? Spend
three hours downtown finding
the perfect red dress to wear
to your soon-to-be-X school’s
fancy auction.

Eat your heart out, Private
School, I don’t need you!