Haven’t blogged in a while due to reoccurring illness and student report writing. Yes, it’s that time again: I have to spend hours concocting the perfect sentence that says (in a nutshell): Your kid pouts in a corner when she’s pissed in order to gain attention from peers. Suddenly, I have to use terms like ’self-advocacy,’ ‘pro-active,’ and ‘environmental print.’ I find myself drowning with horrible verbs and adverbs like ‘peer modeling,’ ‘cheerleading,’ and ‘cheerfully scribes the word KAT.’ I’ve also interviewed each child in the class for a so-called Spring Survey that reveals very little but the obvious: Favorite thing during the day is recess, least favorite thing is Extended Day Care for those whose parents work full time or Reading, Writing, and Math for the kids that are still struggling in those areas, (because if you’re not doing any of those things competently at age five there’s something wrong). I’m still surrounded by nine other Resident Teachers who are flailing around to find a job. Many of them disappear furtively in the afternoon for interviews at nearby private schools–no love has been given to any of them from the surrounding public schools. Many of the Residents are subjected to long interviews with a call-back in a few weeks requesting a teaching session. One private school requires a hand written essay to be filled out on-site, a multiple choice aptitude test taken on one of their computers, a teaching session, and a panel interview.
I will return to teaching dance and answering phones behind a desk this summer. While I had hoped to be adopted by a financially stable, dance program seeking private school, the option to return to the relatively comfortable if not low-paying job as a dance teacher was welcome. There is a small part of me that feels like I failed, that if I had truly tried harder or carried myself differently during the year, I might have identified more readily as a classroom teacher and found a dream position somewhere. Could it be that the huge amount of work trying to find a job as a teacher in Seattle has deterred me from the time being? Could it be that I am merely lapsing back into the familiar only to flail around and try to ‘find myself’ this summer? It’s true; the idea of working less and sleeping more is truly valuable for me, what with my health going to shit this past year. It still doesn’t answer any concrete questions of “What am I doing?” “Should I go back to school and for what?” “How the hell did I end up teaching in the first place?” There are times when I wish for a well-meaning dream, something to inspire me upon waking up, a dream that provides the insight I can’t seem to find during my waking hours. Turns out that Josh and I both dreamt about spiders last night. After looking up “spider” in several Dream Dictionaries found on cheesy New Age websites the only consistent and interesting revelations that spiders signify are:
The larger the spider, the bigger the rewards. To dream of a spider, denotes you being careful and energetic in your labors and fortune will be amassed to pleasing proportions. Domestic happiness. Little annoying or irritating things that are left undone. Can be a fear of gossipy things said about you – or the consequences of gossip you engaged in regarding someone else.
Nothing about teaching, no revealing tidbits about what I should be doing with my life…unless you consider all the hard work I’ve been expending somehow coming back to me in ‘pleasing proportions’ and the reminder that I need to stop gossiping (specifically about the amazing wealth some of my students enjoy).