In order to console myself I made lemon tarts. Why so sad? Well, let me state the obvious: No house yet…poor Josh, this has been exceptionally hard for him. Part of me really believes that if it weren’t for Josh we wouldn’t be out there as motivated and able as we’ve been. Maybe it’s the numbers…I don’t really get them. Buy downs? Rates? OK, I get a little of that here and there. And of course, I’ve been told time and time again how much money we’re wasting on rent. But, I really like where we live…I like our neighborhood. I feel cheated and hurt that we can’t remain in Madrona, that we will be forced to live out where people park trailors on their lawns and everyone has a ratty dog barking behind a chain link fence. The neighborhoods we’re looking at are so sporadic I don’t know if I have the patience for most of them to ‘turn.’ I don’t mind a weird neighborhood, but I require a somewhat decent street…you know, one where it looks like people care about where they live. OK, you can’t pick your neighbors, but you can try…right? One place we looked at had this run down house next door with a beat up, wheel-less, VW bug parked on the lawn with WHITE RAP SUCKS spray painted on the side. The place was great, but the neighbors scared us off. I know we must sound like the most wussy, whiny, set of white kids from the middle class upbringing we came from. So, do we really have to have that tough as nails attitude to live in a changing neighborhood? You know: “I grew up where people got killed in the playground down the street so nothing bothers me,” or “I grew up in Chicago, so nothing phases me.” (I’ve actually heard that from two people, which leads me to be thankful we’re not looking for houses in Chicago). So while that sort of upbringing might help us feel comfortable with a cheaper house in a sketchy part of town, it narrows our options. My childhood neighborhood remains largely white, middle class, and inactive. (My parents still LIVE in that neighborhood, for crying out loud, that’s twenty-five years!) I’m just not ready to look past Seattle limits because this means limiting my social and professional life…it just does. I don’t have a car…and I like that. And I don’t know if I can take the bus with some of the characters we see roaming the streets. So Josh and I have sort of gone with the train of thought: less house, better neighborhood.