In Colorado I was expected to drive in a lot of different types of weather and I did it…not well, and not always with a four wheel drive vehicle. This was the one downside of the snow in CO versus the snow in WA: people plow on regardless of the conditions. Seattle has notorious, freakish, hills and awesomely ill-equipped drivers. Hence, when asked to come in today for a mere three hours (12-3) I said: NO. Well…I said, “I would prefer not to.” I said this while feeling guilty. I also get paid a pittance per hour and it didn’t seem worth it to get in my car and teeter off down the highway to my low paying hourly wage job. (Let the salaried workers do that). I also have a husband who is concerned for my safety on the roads–although I didn’t say that either. He’s that type of guy who worries that I’ll park under the viaduct at 10pm and not call before I leave to ensure I haven’t been mugged. It’s sweet and I like that he worries about me.

I also have a strong sense of self-preservation…or perhaps it’s the infamous ‘chicken-shit’ gene that runs in my family. Basically, it confronts the fact that we’re a conservative folk who tend to avoid danger, bodily harm, and extreme forms of adventure. You won’t catch any of us sky diving off a cliff or riding a motorcycle over twelve barrels. Josh is always asking me hypothetical questions like, “Would you ride that roller coaster for a million dollars?” I usually say ‘no.’ If asked if I wanted to join a bunch of space men to the moon I would probably decline. Even in Colorado if the snow reached four inches and I couldn’t envision myself confidently driving I would call in and flatly state that my safety was being compromised. I’m sure this was frustrating to my co-workers. However, four years ago a mother and her daughter left the dance school I worked for and were killed on the highway heading home. The snow was piling up early that the evening and yet they still hadn’t canceled rehearsal. After that incident I felt a certain agitation whenever I was hassled for not fighting a blizzard to show up and teach class. There has to be a limit, and for some it’s very high and they’re proud that they can withstand a certain amount of traffic, snow, and uncertainty. For me, it weighs partly on how comfortable I feel and if it is worth it.

Perhaps this goes back to my genes. I would rather hole up at home and let the rest of the population risk their necks. Perhaps my ancestors were too delicate to brave treacherous conditions and spent most of their time staying in a cave and hibernating. Oh sure, I could be concerned about money-and I am-but it seems like a small price to pay. Again, is it worth it for nine dollars an hour? No…a resounding no. If the school district is closed then so is the House of Mara.

Of course, I’m sitting here feeling guilty for my lack of motivation and bravery. This gets me to thinking:when have I been brave? Well, I once rescued a dog on a highway in the mountains. I live in a neighborhood where there’s a shooting and/or stabbing about once a month.  I’ve been known to eat some pretty weird things and not be concerned about ‘where it’s been.’ I enjoy public speaking. I’ve driven twice when I was alone and there was a white out from the snow and I sang loud prayers the entire time. I learned how to snowboard at a later age–that took a lot of bravery. My neighbor was arrested and then posted his own bail only to return to our duplex that evening. No big deal except I was the reason for his arrest (two counts of harassment and one count of noise disturbance). I honestly thought my plants were going to be butchered and I kept my cat inside.

Have I ever saved someone’s life? No…my type tends to shy away from the medical profession. Have I ever done a dare devil stunt? Hell no…I’ve never even jumped off a diving board before much less a cliff. Am I a coward? Well, I don’t like cold-calling people or asking strangers for help. My sister went on a three day bike trip down the Oregon coast in the rainy month of March and I didn’t envy her one bit. (Side note: I asked my 3-5 year old students what ‘envy’ meant and they all agreed it’s when you’re sorta, kinda, sleepy). When faced with an immediate ‘emergency’ (i.e. an entire jug of soap explodes on our floor, a live animal finds its way into our ceiling, or the alarm on our car refuses to turn off) I find myself falling in a state of calm. This is a nice balance because Josh tends to freak out during the above examples. I hope that if I am ever to face any serious hardship or accident in the future I’ll take the calm route versus the super freak out path.