Mumbling Madly

I have beef with the last one…because I firmly believe we live in a business culture that prefers people to show up to work regardless of their personal health. Oh sure, there are exceptions…I’m not talking about when you’re so sick you have to spit in a cup because your throat hurts from strep, or profuse vomiting from bad sushi, or the killer flu that knocks you flat for a full week. I’m talking about that cold, that goddam cold that sneaks in and makes you feel like total shit for days. I’m talking about that barely functioning level of illness where you’re hacking up green gobs and feel foggy from a sleepless night breathing from your mouth instead of your stuffed up nose. I’m talking about that dragging, nagging, painful level of functioning where you can barely drive your car out of the driveway. It’s the grossly common level of sick where you lie in a grog right before your alarm goes off trying to determine: “How sick am I?” “Am I sick enough to say eff it all and stay home?” (And if you’re a wandering free lance dance teacher who is paid crap and doesn’t get any sort of sick time:) “Can I afford to take this day off?”

Inevitably the answer is NO, I can’t afford to be sick, or to slow down, or to really listen to my body. Sure, I’ll answer honestly when people ask how I’m doing: “Well, I have wicked cold actually…no, no, I’m fine, not to complain…yeah it’s been going around, now it’s my turn, heh heh.” Sure, I’ll sit at the computer I work at part time and stare aimlessly at the screen unable to comprehend anything past my mucous filled sinuses. I’ll pretend to work, gaze off into space, and maybe answer a phone call here and there sounding like a dusky call girl who has smoked one to many cigs. Because, okay, really I’m the one who makes the choice, right? If I’m really feeling all that terrible, I need to just fess up to it and suck it up with a day at home. But how often do you EVER hear a co-worker acknowledge, “Wow, you look and sound awful, why don’t you just go home?” This has never happened to me. Perhaps this is because I work in a “no Sick Day” work environment; a climate where getting a sub for a dance class is like asking Gandhi to come teach for me. People back away from me like I have the plague, covering their mouths to protect themselves from my filth, recognizing the ‘light in my eyes has dimmed,’ and yet no one stops to say, “What the hell are you doing here? Just go home!” Perhaps I’m just a kid and I need permission.

When we were growing up, my Mom always took our illnesses very seriously. We were parked on the couch, unable to get up unless we had to pee, and there was never any TV. We were not allowed to go outside, hang out with friends, or sit at the dinner table until we were fully recovered. There was never any Kleenex in our house, only rolls of toilet paper parked next to the couch and maybe a cat or two to keep us company. This resulted in, (and I’m not kidding), a zero level of ‘faking it’ in our household. Oh, sure, maybe there were a few times one of us may have feigned a little something here and there but I’m certain the sheer boredom of staying home would have driven us to health pretty quickly.

This preservation of my well-being was immediately thrown out the door when I entered college. Unless you had a doctor’s note there was no sympathy from my professors. I learned how to suck it up, bundle up, and show up to class regardless of how sick I was. I also discovered cold medicine. When we were growing up the only thing we were ever given was two children’s tylonal smushed into a spoonful of honey–and this was only if we had fevers. Pepto Bismol, antacids, anti-histamines, Nyquil, all of that was to be discovered in my early adulthood. Oh sure, I dabbled in supplements: acidopholous, echinacea, etc. And honestly, my immune system was pretty strong, so I only got strep throat a few times in college with the rest being a battery of colds and the occasional flu.

When I first entered the work force was when I realized what a harsh and cruel world it is when it comes to personal well-being. For starters, I’m kind of a prone to guilt, (insert Catholic joke here), and the act of calling in sick always made me feel bad. I usually pushed through–as we all do when faced with the option of calling all your co-workers who hate their job as equally as you do and asking if they can ‘cover for you.’ At Starbucks there really was no option: you HAD to come to work. I remember feebly calling other employees flat on my back, my lips purple with 104 degree fever, begging someone to cover my morning shift. I was so sick that JOSH even took the day off so he could keep an eye on me and take me to the hospital if I turned even grayer. I remember another Starbucks employee telling me how she had merciless morning sickness and was still required to come to work even though she begged her manager to have mercy on her. You would think a corporation who pats itself on the back for its marvelous employee benefits would have something like Sick Days to avoid the possibility of phlegm floating around in someone’s caramel macciato.

Let’s face it: It’s more admirable if you show up to work a little sick then if you stay home like a sucker. It shows gumption, resilience, and dedication to your job. It shows that you’re tough, a team player, and have a high tolerance for pain. Nobody likes a whiner and certainly co-workers don’t like knowing the details about how you can only breath through one nostril. If you call in with your best sick voice and ask, “How badly do you need me?” People will sound put out, irritated, and will usually answer honestly, “Gosh, I really have to leave at three today…” I know, because, I’m certain I’ve done this before myself. I don’t want to have to cover for anyone either, what a drag…just suck it up.

When I taught kindergarten last year it was the second job in eight years of working that I’d ever been given the option of taking Sick Days. Still, I only took two days out of eight…and I really regret that. You would think in a climate of well educated, well meaning, teachers there might be an understanding that it would be wise not to spread your germs around. After all, we were regularly coughed on, snotted on, and spit on by well meaning four-year-olds. However, I’ve never seen the ‘just push through it’ attitude more prevalent then in the classroom. The dependence on your co-teacher was so huge, that the idea of them being gone was terrifying, impossible, and down right looked down on. Part of this was that I was only a pion and still finding my way. My dear co-teacher made it her mission to show up to work despite being gravely ill…she set the sick bar pretty high. Last school year was the sickest I’ve ever been in my life, as many of you know…you would think I would have learned a little something like TAKE YOUR FREAKIN SICK DAYS WHEN YOU HAVE THEM.

Now I’m back to my floating world of dance and theater teaching–with more studios in the works. This means calling in sick is a rarity for me. How I wish that the culture of staying home when you’re ill would catch on. Eff you public service announcements with your “wash your hands, cough in your sleeve, stay home when you’re sick” bullshit. If this was truly a philosophy people believed in I wouldn’t be relapsing from a cold as we speak.

BTW, if you haven’t read the previous post and cast your vote for a solo show please do so now!