Mumbling Madly

I could not sit through Pans Labyrinth. I tried. I closed my eyes during the bashing with the bottle and thought, “OK, they established that this is a very bad man, it can’t get any worse.” I had really thought that this movie, being billed as a ‘fairy-tale for adults’ was talking about fantasy violence, similar to the Lord of the Rings. I can handle that kind of violence. I can not handle violence against innocent people, animals, and especially children. I dislike watching children not being listened to, and the protagonist was certainly not ‘listened to.’ Remember when the writers on Sesame St. decided to reveal Snuffalufagus to the rest of the muppets because they were concerned about Big Bird not being believed? They wanted children to know that they would be heard? I stand by this logic and it made me cringe to watch this poor kid try and explain: “No! I need to save the mandrake root baby,’ ‘my step-dad is an asshole he’s going to kill us all,’ and ‘I trusted you all to keep me safe’…and then not be heard and perish in the end.

I wanted to see more creatures, more fairies, more of the guy-with-eyes-on-his-palms, and more puking toads. I wanted to experience more of the heartaches, like realizing her beautiful party dress has fallen in the mud. I wanted to see more success in the fawn’s challenges and a sense of growth, hope, and possibility.  THIS is what I expected out of the movie, an extraordinary fantasy world balanced with a terrible reality. Instead this movie failed me the way reality failed Ofelia. It made me feel nauseous. I had to leave the room. I should have trusted my brother who (once again he called it) said, “This is not a Mara movie.”

Similar to having a low tolerance with movies that show abuse against women I am even less tolerant of movies that depict violence against children. I am surprised this movie, with its egregious child abuse and child murder was not rated more strongly and written up more harshly. A fairy-tale for adults? How so? I hang out with small children every day who are very in tune with their favorite fairy tales and the standard run-down goes like this: protagonist is in trouble, protagonist faces enemy, protagonist prevails (and maybe finds true love and happiness in the end). Little Match Book Girl? I have yet to have a single kid mentioned this tale as a favorite–she dies of cold after all what’s so great about that? What about the Tin Soldier who melts in the fire into the shape of a heart? Yeah, he never comes up in conversation. Three-year-olds are pretty damn happy with the idea of happily ever after. That’s the purpose of fairy tales. Sure, when they’re older you can wander down the weirder paths of Alice in Wonderland, sequels with Dorothy (TickTock of Oz anyone?) and even the original text of Peter Pan is a little spicy (what with Tinkerbell being kind of a bitch). I don’t think you can combine horrible images of war with CGI created monsters and call it a ‘fairy-tale.’ (Adult Fantasy is a better term for this movie, however, I realize that is another name for porn).

Maybe, as an adult I’m a more in line with my young students: I like happy endings. You don’t have to try so hard to ‘get me.’ Just show a child (or God forbid a BABY) in trouble and you pretty much have me trembling. I realized that I’m probably different then most adults, or at least I am according to the director who said: “Now we, as adults, in order to be shocked by the horror like a kid and experience the wonderful like a kid, I have to push your buttons and they’re hidden under layers and layers of social fat. I have to push really hard like deep tissue massage….” For continued revelation check out this interview.

Interesting things I have done lately (while listening to “The Swing Years and Beyond” this dark rainy night):

1) Participated in a gaming trial at the Microsoft campus this morning. Five of us sat in a fake living room and played the game “Scene It” which will be available for X-Box 360 this November. Josh and I were the green team and, sad to say, we came dead last. However, the trial was super fun and we gave our feedback after the game, rated it, etc. In exchange for our time we can each redeem something from the Microsoft store and then sell it or keep it. (Haven’t picked yet but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna sell). We also got free coffee and chocolate milk. Score!

2) Listened to Rick Steves expound on the benefits of legalizing marijuana on NPR during my morning commute.

3) Was recently cast in a show where it was requested I hand write three letters to celebrities asking them to generate text for our show. I wrote letters to (deep breath): Oprah Winfrey, Britney Spears, and Henry Rollins. The first two I had to create characters for in order to write a genuine letter. Henry Rollins was easy since I really do worship him. (We’ll see who writes back…form letters will do just fine…an autographed picture would be even better, BRITNEY).

4) Went to a blow out 75% off sale at Evo Gear (home of some of the nicest girl snowboard clothing in Seattle). With giddy delight I plopped down two Burton items which each retailed over $100 a piece. Paid a mere $60. I now own a bright orange reversible windbreaker with copper rhinestone accents and a mohair sweater covered with cowboys, stars, and horses.

5) Still can’t decide about my job but really enjoyed ‘pulling rank’ all over the place this last week.

6) Had to explain to a Safeway pharmacist the difference between a nuvo ring and a diaphragm.

7) I have to recommend the Ivar’s Happy Hour (available all night on Fridays) once again. Huge menu, plenty of pickings, and a waterfront view to boot (complete with mass seagull feedings happening right outside our window–but don’t feed the pigeons according to the sign).

Learned a few new things: the color grey is supposedly the hot fall color (REALLY?), gold continues to be BACK BACK BACK, and cinching your waist with a belt is all the rage.

In a career where I find myself constantly surrounded by small girls taking dance it is always heartening to have a boy in my class.  This particular boy is a complete sweetheart.  I was away from my campers while they had snack so I could set up the gym for an obstacle course.  He peeked his head into the room and said in a genuinely breathless voice, “OH! Teacher Mara we thought you were a PRINCESS.”  It just about broke my heart.  Sometimes you need that sort of recognition.  The same student kissed my shoulder while we sat in our final closing circle.

I find that without a second teacher teaching a two hour camp with 8 students by myself is difficult.  It is largely due to the 3 year olds, I think.  Their focus is all over the place, whether it’s with specific games with rules or sitting down and reading a story.  I also had three sisters in my last camp (a set of twins and a smaller sibling) who had very little schooling.  I could tell this by the way they constantly interrupted me while I spoke–it might seem like a small thing but kids that have been to school sort of understand the teacher/student dynamic: you don’t interrupt the teacher.  I try to be pretty militant about raised hands being the key to communication.  There is no shouting out in my class: you got something to say you raise your hand.  That’s pretty standard, right?

I am also facing a big decision: should I teach only.  I say this because right now I am program coordinator and pretty miserable.  I don’t have much support for this position.  Outside field work? No time.  Personal calls to parents? No time.  Outreach in nearby pre-schools? When would I ever have that sort of time.  I feel as if I’ve been set up to fail.  Therefore, I haven’t felt successful in my job since I’ve started.  I have turned down multiple teaching jobs in order to fully commit to my 30 hr coordinator job.  I have one foot in the door of another local studio and I taught at another studio in Burien over the summer that begged me to reconsider teaching for them in the fall.  I’m interviewing at a children’s theater in Kirkland this afternoon.  What would you do? Continue trying to make this resume-building position work? Or try to survive off the teaching jobs that keep resurfacing and leave the complicated corporate world…

Click here for pictures of the pre-wedding party.
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Click here for pictures of the reception.
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And finally, click here for pics of the wedding…
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August 16 marked four years married and four years together. We celebrated by heading out to Seaside, OR after my brother’s wedding. Highlights include a run-in with Tillamook ice cream:

Josh has been to Seaside and I realized that I had not and probably would not visit again. The reason is simple: development. Seaside appeared to be once a sleepy beach town. Their ‘old town’ area was quaint and cute with little galleries, candy stores, and trinket shops. There was a ’strip’ with an arcade, diners offering fish and chips, and a tilt-a-whirl. Every place offered espresso. The old school Inn’s and Motels from the 70’s still dotted the town, with plenty of RV parking and neon sign charm. This all changed when you started walking toward the boardwalk. Lining the beach front were multiple enormous hotels–one of them so huge it was over twelve stories high and shaped like a big “U.” People were swarming the many balconies (each with their own gas grill) and you definitely got the ‘rat in a cage’ feeling when walking by these monstrosities. UGLY, UGLY, UGLY thing to do to a decent water front.
The beach was crowded California style with people all over the place thrashing around with buckets, kites, Crocs, and litter lying around. It was encouraging to walk down the beach and find the crowd slowly dissipate. Once removed from the chain of hotels the beach was actually very beautiful. For the first time since I can remember we experienced multiple days of sunshine and (gasp) slightly warm temperatures. No wonder everyone and their dog was out!

Our hotel boasted a tiny porch that faced the river running through Seaside. When not smoked out by the chain smokers below us we watched tourists scooting by on rented kayaks and paddle boats. “It’s like Venice,” I joked having recently seen Gina’s pictures of riding in a Venetian gondola. Our days consisted of eating the continental breakfast every morning, taking long walks down the beach, hobnobbing around the town, finding a cheap eat for lunch, and watching HBO at night. We watched the sunset from the beach both nights. We grazed off an enormous bag of saltwater taffy Josh had procured from one of the candy stores. I admired but decided against the chocolate covered twinkies:

More vacation-y pics on flickr...

As many of you know, I’ve been gone for almost a week doing the following: Attending the PDX Zine Symposium, celebrating my fourth anniversary in Seaside, OR, and attending my brother’s wedding. This was such an amazing, packed, week of wonderful events! Because over 500 pics were taken I’m currently weighing through them and posting them on my flickr page.

I’ll start at the beginning: The Zine Symposium

Basically, my sister’s lengthy interview-bases zine, Ten Feminists, killed. She sold so many copies! Perhaps it was the hand painted cover and/or it was evident she had spent a year on it. She charmingly was selling it for a sliding scale: $3-4 dollars–even though it was worth much more. Everyone paid $4 and I felt like I could only fleetingly piggy back on her success. We sat next to the twins from Fuzzy Lunch Box fame who I wished I could have talked more with since the zine I traded them for is excellent! We also sat right next to the door with the handmade sign: Food. We thought we would get a lot of foot traffic if we sat near the food door but alas, it actually made us less visible.

I wasn’t as exuberant this year. Last year I was much more hungry for the ‘zine experience’ of meeting, shaking hands, trading (hoping to God it’s not a poetry zine), and getting to know fellow artist submersed in the DIY culture. Some zinesters were very friendly, others were reserved and obviously reluctant to trade. I looked up TugBoat Press who thoughtfully reviewed “Kindergarten Underground” last year and thanked them–also submitted “Kin” and “Ten Feminists” for review. (Incidentally, check out this spread on Stranger Danger Distro!)

I tried cute incentives this year…like giving anyone I traded with a flower pin. Some people were very into it but many seemed confused and unwilling to put it on. There weren’t any prints/tees that I HAD to have like last year. Sure, I rummaged around the bin of used t-shirts that had the 2007 Zine Symposium logo on it and cheerfully coughed up $5 for a gently used Old Navy Tee. There were really cute shrinky dinks for a quarter and plastic pendants I couldn’t resist. But the high quality prints, the quirky photos, a lot of that was missing this last year. Perhaps they were pushed out for vendors who were more ‘zine-y?’

While penciling in my new zine, KIN, I find that I need to listen to something other than music. Oh, sure, I could exhaust my music collection–I do this only when I have to work on text and have to really concentrate–but when inking panels I find myself growing bored and sloppy. I’ve listened to, I’m not kidding, all of This American Life since Sammy clued me in to the show about four years ago. Yup…just about every back story and podcast in their archive I’ve ingested over the years of needing something to listen to while I distractedly draw, pack boxes to move, or work on jewelry. So what’s next? Radio Lab.

I was home a couple of months ago on a Friday night feeling like kind of a loser. I think I was baking something (I always listen to the radio when I bake), and I absentmindedly turned on NPR. Lately, I’ve made a pact to turn the radio off whenever they start talking about another shooting in Baghdad, another round of soldiers slaughtered in a road side bomb, or what have you…I need a break from the war. I can only think: “What a totally pointless and sad death for a completely asinine war” so many times. It used to be every time Bush started yammering on in a media clip I had to rush over with sticky, dough covered fingers and click him off. Now, with olive oil coated fingers, I turn the radio off whenever the hint of violence starts creeping into the news. (This goes for driving in the car too).

Anyway, I was listening in and the program was all about music. How, if you listen to the same sentence repeated over and over again it will start sounding melodical. The whole episode analyzed our reaction to music, and I recall thinking: “Wow, this is great radio!” Other highlights include a really interesting look at sleep, and how every animal on the planet sleeps. However, we’re the only creature who sleeps entirely and completely. Many animals, like birds, shut down each part of their brains one at a time. They literally have one eye open the whole time, just in case they have to flee from predators. Humans have developed such a great sense of well-being that we are able to totally and completely give ourselves up to sleep. (This episode has an extremely haunting sound clip of a child in a sleep laboratory having a nightmare).

Other worthwile episodes include the one on Morality (would you kill one person to save seven people?) and Memory (what would your life be like if you had no long-term memory whatsover? I sat in a UPS store parking lot listening to the story of Clive Wearing and thanked my lucky stars for my memories).

Oh…and Princess Camp is thankfully over.

Wouldn’t you know it that on the second day of Princess Camp I totally hate it?  Is three-years old to young for a two hour camp…YES.  I say this because I just CAN’T seem to shake the two-year-olds that somehow managed to sneak their way into camp.  This fills me with rage that I have to squelch when complimenting their charming fairy ensembles.  (So, when I said, “They have to be three when they walk in the door” over the phone the parent chose to IGNORE this?!) Oh, and this is the day the front desk person called in sick and the baby toilet exploded its watery contents all over the floor.  The press release for promo week was due today but our internet was down…which rendered my job useless.  In fact, if you remove access to my remote desktop my work load screeches to a halt.  So much of what I do is blabbing online to various co-workers about class descriptions, field emails from parents looking for a class for their 2 year old and their four year old, and it just goes on and on.  Our office manager is in Thailand for 6 weeks and bless her heart I felt a hideous sense of betrayal today.

On top of this I am tackling my zine for the Symposium in two weeks…wait, one and a half weeks (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?)  Gina and I will once again representing so if you’re in the Portland area on August 11, c’mon down (Sam’s wedding is the next day so I GUESS we’ll skip Sunday’s tabling).  The zine is called KIN, and yes, it pays tribute to some very special people in my life.

I’m drinking.  Bladder be damned.