Stumbling around still, trying to piece together a career in teaching. Trying to keep my head above water, not being to bitchy in the morning because I don’t have anywhere to go and feel useless. Updating facebook constantly, and glancing at myspace occasionally, wanting to feel connected.
Accepted an offer to become a company member, a real live paid company member at a local theater that I’m proud of, nervous of, not sure if I can keep up but part of me says, “whatever, you can totally hold your own.”
Left ear is acting up, angry because I think flushing my nose with saline like a professional opera singer to get rid of mucous pushed my cold into my ear…now I’m in trouble. Luckily, I secured a coveted appt. with my former surgeon on Friday–how lucky!–so he can poke around and give me a hearing test. (You all know that I have a new eardrum made out of my own cartilage, right?) This hearing test will make or break me (either it will confirm I’ve lost hearing or that I’m still on the up and up).
In the meantime I’m trying to sell myself at every possible turn, without sacrificing too much driving–cuz gas is gonna be $4 a gallon and how many trips can I really make on that tank? Every week I’m all over the map in an exhausting way, to Burien and Mercer Island and up to the U District twice. I’ve been spending time with a friend who has a new baby and is need of adult contact so I race up to see her because I’m eager for someone whose life is vastly different then my own. ..
I’m gonna design costumes for an upcoming show, come up with another story for Legends at the Rendezvous in two weeks, perform at Chop Suey (a big deal) with Mark in May, and, And, AND go to France at the end of the month. Whose been to France? Anyone want to give me advice? Going with the parents, because if I don’t go now I’ll never go…I’ll be old and gray. I’m flying alone there and back–which is the scariest part of the whole trip.
With the new time, I’m writing, I’m gonna be a writer somehow, some day, even read Ariel Gore’s wonderful book: Become a Famous Writer Before Your Dead. I secretly finished another act in my play, sent it off to Kimberly who I love and trust and reads plays all the time.
My computer has been wiped clean, everything saved to a disk and now slowly uploaded one by one. No word, no excel, and I feel naked.
I’m making soup, making things to eat, folding laundry, floundering. My cat sleeps on my robe.