Here’s the thing, with all this white flour and cheese I’m sure you’re wondering about, ah, bowel movements. And it’s widely known that constipation is a symptom of the first trimester. In the beginning the reason is pretty simple: You’re subconsciously afraid you’re going to push out the baby. You see, when trying to wrap my mind around the idea of having something growing inside me, I had all sorts of weird visuals in my head: a pumpkin seed attached to a stem, a seahorse with a baby in his pouch, and a grape attached to a stem. All of these ideas reflect a fragility, an impossible idea that such delicate systems could sustain the pressure of bodily functions. Sitting on the toilet, suddenly there’s a ridiculous thought: “What if the baby isn’t properly attached and poof! Out it goes!” And so the body clams up, releasing nothing for hours and hours. No baby is coming out of me! Well, not for a long long time anyway…

I think, ill-fully, about the Metamusil in my bathroom closet. We seem to always have a few cans of the stuff lying around. My dad swears by it–it’s how I learned about the fibrous powder you stir into water and drink. I don’t think it’s every been really successful in our household and is usually abandoned for ‘harder stuff,’ (i.e. the occasional laxative). I also recall my mother treating my baby sister with prune juice, a fact I bring up from time to time to embarrass her. She always had this little bottle of prune juice and back then I thought it was cute. (I still do). Now, I wonder: is it my turn for the prune juice? I compromise…I buy a big bottle of unsugared cherry juice instead.